I lost a dear friend yesterday... The last few years of distance doesn't take away the sting like I'd hoped it would. 

This post will be dedicated to 13 years of doing everything together from running around in our bathing suits in the yard at 7 years old to getting ready for senior prom together.  She's the reason I ever made cheerleading (or even tried to).  So many fun vacations and parties and hard days where she stood up for me... She wasn't perfect, and neither was I so our friendship was riddled with fights and annoyances, but more with laughter and lots of unforgettable moments. After reading through a BOX of notes from high school and looking through countless pictures- we were officially crazy! 

Tonight, the visitation could have been the hardest thing I've ever done.  Hugging her mama and daddy knowing they have to be hurting so deeply inside was gut wrenching.  Holding my friends up as we all just hurt inside from knowing Courtney's gone, I felt numb, and it felt like I couldn't breathe from the weight of trying to wrap my feeble hands around the tragedy of what has just happened.  It just shouldn't be this way... I can't thank Jesus enough for holding true to his word in Hebrews 6... "this hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." I don't know what I'd do without that anchor... I feel it deep in my heart when I start to feel like I'm losing it.  A gentle reassuring whisper that one day I'll be able to just think of her and smile. 

Thank you to everyone who's said a prayer.  I can imagine the Lord is using them powerfully.  I'm just trying to learn from this, let myself feel everything, not ignoring it or care taking instead.  Feeling things hurts though... So my prayers continue as I hope your's do too for Courtney's family and friends in this process.