What is it about BBQ and Jesus that goes so well together?  We had Sonny's after church, and it just felt right... Kind of like at every church gathering, BBQ is served. If only it was football season, it would have been a perfect Sunday. 

My toes hurt a bit after the sermon tonight at church.  Our pastor, Isaac, talked about the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and I was convicted on both sides of the spectrum.  The prideful pursuit of self-righteousness and holding others in contempt, and also the side of needing to recognize and live in repentance for my sin. There was definitely an "ah- ha" moment for me.  

This weekend was our Wesley Women's Retreat.  Learned so much.  So much left to process through and implement in daily life.  But I'm learning to be okay with baby steps.  Learning to be okay with not having it all together.

The Lord is really pressing his finger on some areas of my life, and it is PAINFUL and overwhelming and seemingly impossible.  I think it's the nature of mankind to avoid pain if at all possible, but I'm seeing in my life that sometimes pain is the way to depth.  Definitely not a lesson easily acquired.  

I can sum up most of my struggle in this... I can share of part of my life with everyone, but I can share all of my life with no one.  Ultimately, that's my hearts desire- to be able to fully share my life. I'm being driven to more dependence on the Lord in this, and what a beautiful result.  Good thing Jesus is patient.

We talked a little bit about the Shack tonight in my small group... so I pulled it out and started looking through all the sections I'd underlined.  


I really needed to read this today... it's been one of those days where life has been building and building and building, and eventually, the world just crumbles because I'm only human (try to convince me of that sometime when I'm upset) and I'm a 23 year old, emotional mess.


Thank you Jesus for loving me in the midst of my messiness... no end in sight. Your perspective on my life gives me hope. 


(This is God talking to Mackenzie- the main character in the book.) 
"And let's say that I know it will take you 47 situations and events before you will actually hear me- that is, before you will hear clearly enough to agree with me and change.  So when you don't hear me the first time, I'm not frustrated or disappointed, I'm thrilled.  Only 46 more times to go.  And that first time will be a building block to construct a bridge of healing that one day you will walk across."


Grasping this concept of the expanse of Jesus' love+ a solo vacation... would be so good for my soul.

current feeling: overwhelmed

solution:

1. Postpone all "responsible" type activities

2. Buy a plane ticket. 

3. Pack a carry-on

4. Move to Barcelona for a year or two.

5. Master the Spanish language and make some new friends. 

I'll also learn to make the best paella ever... I'll just try not to be too stressed over the shrimp heads. 

Sounds like a perfect plan to me... 

This post will probably a slight waste of your life so you can't say I didn't warn you.


1. I looove this song! It's one of those I feel was written exactly for me... 
A Little Bit Stronger- Sara Evans


2. Birthday week was a complete blast! Pictures on Facebook... But just one little glimpse

3 cakes

3 trips to Sweet

Multiple dinners and lunches with sweet, sweet friends

A fun little trip to Cowboys 

Lots of thoughtful gifts (which means lots of Thank You cards)

And the Super Bowl capped off an exceptional week

3. Started new classes this week... Super excited about my Community Counseling class, super nervous about New Testament

4. I got my Orange County Library card today... I'm pretty stoked (and I know that makes me lame.)

Can you tell that I'll only be using it for educational purposes?

5. It's tax time, and I am stressed... I hate all the little forms and numbers and percentages and deadlines.  I really just want to live in a world without anything financial or cars. 

6. You should read the Beattitudes in the Message... so I'm going to write them here for you.  Seriously speaking to my heart and challenging me big time!

 ³"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

 ⁴"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
 ⁵"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
 ⁶"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
 ⁷"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
 ⁸"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
 ⁹"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
 ¹⁰"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
 ^11-12"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."