"I want to suggest that it's just these places in your experience- where dreams and expectations don't work out- that you are being issued the invitation of your life.  Disappointment is, strangely enough, a doorway to the real adventure.  It's the point where you start to leave behind most of your notions of how your story should read- and enter your relationships with God as a journey.  A true journey, one that's wild and adventurous and not anywhere close to predictable." Paula Rinehart, Better Than My Dreams

This is a passage I underlined in a book I read a few years ago... The book absolutely wrecked me the first time I read it.  Paula's words illuminated these pockets in my heart where I was hiding my dreams because hope was too risky to pursue.  As I am trying to write a message for Wesley tomorrow night, I picked up this book and re-read that passage... I am living those words in this season.  Though I feel like the fog is lifting and burdens are becoming lighter, the Lord has walked with me through a season of me having to embrace some of my disappointments with Him and life.  And now, here we are, on a real journey... Disappointment effects me differently now.  I'm okay with it.  Do I like it? No, duh. But has the Lord increasingly changed my perspective? 100%.  The disappointments I'm facing today make me sad, but more so, they remind me that the Lord has so much for my life.  I can't begin to understand why the Lord would lavish such incredible gifts on my life because I am undeserving of such grace and abundance, but my heart is so grateful.  

This weekend at a conference I attended, I felt the Lord really speaking to me about my purpose beyond this season of school and training, and I was OVERWHELMED.  Like, terrified and incredibly curious as to why the Lord would trust me with the things He was sharing about what might be next.  Jesus is crazy... bottom line.  But I am encouraged by reading that passage that I marked years ago and seeing some of the fruit of it in my life today.  Today disappointment with good things means I'm free to embrace God's best. And I'm super, extra, really excited to see what that looks like. 

I finally finished a project that I had been wanting to do FOREVER!

I definitely stole the idea from a family I babysat for in college.  They had a fabulous conglomeration of post cards from all over the world from dear friends of theirs, and I loved it. 

I spent the last couple of years forcing my friends to send me post cards when they travel- most of them forget, but some don't and now they will be remembered forever.

Sorry the picture is so awful... I took it with my phone in low light :( But you get the gist... This I see being around my home, wherever it might be, for a really long time.  I have lots of room left to fill it up!

It felt good to finish something I'd been thinking about for years and to create something that means so much to me.  This break from classes has been so refreshing.  I've read 5 of the Harry Potter books.  I've cooked and reorganized.  I've taken a nap! The freedom when I leave work to just go home and do whatever my heart desires has been so wonderful... I will miss this come February, but I am so thankful for it today.  

I've been intending to write a new year's, "reflect on 2011" blog for days and just haven't found the inspiration to take on such a task... Let's just say I am ready for 2011 to be in the past, and I have such incredible hope for 2012.  Instead of reflecting on what was, here are the truths I want to live into in 2012:

Trust does not mean understanding.

My anxiety does not change God's faithfulness.

My fear does not rob the Lord of His strength.

God is the giver of EVERY good and perfect thing- if it's not from Him, it's not good.

Independence is never God's goal.

God is the only one who sustains and fulfills.

Jesus... in 2012, I want to learn to love what You love, to love what's good for me and for Your kingdom.