Tonight at church Issac (our pastor) spoke about idols in our life, but at one point he mentioned the love story of Jacob and Rachel.   I must say the Bible has some pretty messed up love stories, but one line from the story played over and over again in my mind- as it would probably any girls- "Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days."  (Genesis 29) 

Precious words... 

At the beach with my parents for the week, and this little mini-vacation couldn't have come at a better time.  I needed a week out of routine to relax, catch up and get centered.  Sometimes, I'm rushing through life to such an extent that I lose my focus, my grounding.  I'm so thankful today that I'm sitting on the balcony of a cute little condo, listening to waves, looking at the full moon reflecting on the water, counting the stars... knowing I'm loved and wanted by the Creator of the Universe, sure of my calling and place in this world (for today at least), so deeply grateful for the incredible community God's provided for me in Florida.  While there are unfulfilled desires in my heart, things I dream about, hopes I expect to realize, today I just couldn't ask for more.   Thank you Jesus for being such a good daddy.

I feel like T.Swift and I could totally be besties... 

Things we have in common:

1. Use of peace signs in photos (despite the extreme cliche-ness of it)

2. Love of bright colors, glitter and sparkles and "whimsical" things (really that's FOUR things)

3. Collections of headbands and ribbons (I have a few of those... and by a few, I mean like a zillion)

4. Both self-proclaimed over-talkers

5. Wearing dresses (everyday!)

6. Journal writing

7. An appreciation for cats and their need to be moody

8. "I love the freedom of living alone, but I also love things that make me feel seven again." (quote from TaylorSwift.com) I feel totally the same way... I bet she even loves things like High School Musical

9. She probs like Twilight because she dated Taylor Lautner... Though we'd totally be on separate teams. 

10. Another direct quote that I totally have written in my life "I just think every once in a while you need fries and a chocolate milkshake and your mom."

11. Cooking interesting recipes that challenge us

12. Her songs pretty much tell the story of my life with just less famous boys... 

I think 12 reasons is a pretty strong case as to why we'll be great friends one day.  We'll make great memories, and she'll write a song about our friendship one day. 

If you read this whole post, I commend you.  This post is what I'd like to call procrastination and avoidance in its finest... I have already cleaned and organized everything I could find so here's where the procrastination landed...  on my blog. 

The Lord has been really challenging my complacent Christianity in the last few weeks... 

How often do I break out of my little Christian bubble?  Better question, how often am I annoyed when I have to interact with the "world?"  How many times in a day do I speak the name of Jesus? How many people in my life have I shared the gospel with?  Why do I choose to withhold life- abundant, full, purposeful life from my friends?

If this man, Jesus, is who I'm giving my life to shouldn't the truth of His message be passionately spilling out of me? Shouldn't it be reflected in the lives of those around me?  Why am I fearful of walking in the truth when it's what I claim to stake my life on?  

Ever go through seasons when you feel like you should just soak up every thing the Lord is teaching you because you feel like you're about to have to be using it.  I'm there... I feel very much like I'm in a preparation season, and I'm a little nervous about what's next. 

I've been humming this song for the past few days for obvious reasons... thought provoking song. 

If I Die Young

Courtney's funeral was yesterday... It was unbearable, and at the same time I felt like I was in an awful movie. Standing with my best girl friends from high school while guys I've known and loved since I was 6 were carrying her casket was unreal.  Just a painful moment... A scene I wish had never played out in front of my eyes. Life just shouldn't be that way.  Each of us girls had a rose to put on the casket before they buried Courtney and letting go of that rose somehow made it all seem so final.  I wish when the funeral was over the hurt and questions stopped as well... unfortunately that's not so.  Now starts the long journey for all of us of processing and coping.  It just makes me hate sin and death and evil in this world... What would I do without the hope and comfort of Jesus?

The bright side of all of this is that I got to see so many friends from so many seasons in my life all in one weekend... I've been so reminded of God's blessings in my life. I have so much to be thankful for. Friends whom I've known and loved since I was 6 and friends I've known for 6 weeks and adore already... Thank you Jesus that our hearts never get too full because I'm pretty sure mine would have overflown by now. 

I lost a dear friend yesterday... The last few years of distance doesn't take away the sting like I'd hoped it would. 

This post will be dedicated to 13 years of doing everything together from running around in our bathing suits in the yard at 7 years old to getting ready for senior prom together.  She's the reason I ever made cheerleading (or even tried to).  So many fun vacations and parties and hard days where she stood up for me... She wasn't perfect, and neither was I so our friendship was riddled with fights and annoyances, but more with laughter and lots of unforgettable moments. After reading through a BOX of notes from high school and looking through countless pictures- we were officially crazy! 

Tonight, the visitation could have been the hardest thing I've ever done.  Hugging her mama and daddy knowing they have to be hurting so deeply inside was gut wrenching.  Holding my friends up as we all just hurt inside from knowing Courtney's gone, I felt numb, and it felt like I couldn't breathe from the weight of trying to wrap my feeble hands around the tragedy of what has just happened.  It just shouldn't be this way... I can't thank Jesus enough for holding true to his word in Hebrews 6... "this hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." I don't know what I'd do without that anchor... I feel it deep in my heart when I start to feel like I'm losing it.  A gentle reassuring whisper that one day I'll be able to just think of her and smile. 

Thank you to everyone who's said a prayer.  I can imagine the Lord is using them powerfully.  I'm just trying to learn from this, let myself feel everything, not ignoring it or care taking instead.  Feeling things hurts though... So my prayers continue as I hope your's do too for Courtney's family and friends in this process. 

 

I've been in super productivity mode since I got home from class (at 9:00 pm- why does this always happen later at night?)... I've cleaned every single dish in my house which for some people that wouldn't be a big deal, but just know that here it is a really big deal.  They're all nicely put away in their shelves.  My kitchen counters are cleaned and sanitized.  Dish towels, bath towels, sheets and sponges are swirling around in the washing machine as we speak.  My oven is on its cleaning cycle so while my kitchen smells like burnt buscuits, it's actually getting super spotless.  All the floors are swept (kitchen floor- mopped). The hutch in the living room has been reorganized.  Blankets have been folded and put away.  My research for my literature review is for the most part read, organized, highlighted and ready to be regurgitated onto a 12 page paper tomorrow (I'm determined to just knock it out!)... Why can't these moods be permanent or at least come more often than every other week?  I can't even imagine what I could do if my mind and body could maintain this.... 

Write a book.

Start an Etsy shop.

Finish grad school faster. 

Always cook dinner (lunch and breakfast). 

Start a new hobby like scuba diving.

I could list forever, but now I'm just wasting time which I'm not in the mood to do.
Yay for my Facebook being broken so that procrastination tool is non-existent at the moment. 

I wandered away from listening to Christian radio stations for the past few months... for obvious(ish) reasons. I just got tired of hearing the same songs, over and over and over.  This week I turned it back to sweet little Z88.3 here in Orlando (our version of 104.7 The Fish). I discovered two songs that had me in tears on the way to work... 

Lead Me by Sanctus Real 

You Can Have Me by Sidewalk Prophets

You should YouTube/ Itunes these if you haven't heard them. 

Life has been busy in the best way possible lately. I've been having lots of fun, lots of opportunities to laugh, lots of times just to be ridiculous.  Trying to balance all the fun with a little work, a little school, a little rest. What a fabulous season of life to be in! I could not ask for more. 


Excited about the things Jesus is teaching me, saying to my heart in our secret little times together.  He's speaking so clearly and granting me freedom and safety all in one.  He is teaching me patience and trust in that time of waiting.  He's calling me to seek Him in those waiting periods- to not give up on His goodness and faithful.  He will not fail me despite my fear. He's a good God. He is meeting me exactly where I am, and I am relishing the opportunity to jump into my Heavenly Father's arms and rest, just rest and not be afraid.