We sang all hymns tonight at Wesley.  There is just something deeply beautiful about the words in some of those hymns that have been sung for years and years.  The timelessness of their message and the lasting creativity in the words and melodies allows me to feel connected to generations of struggling sinners on a journey to sanctification.  The solidarity that the history brings is so inspiring and encouraging especially when I'm feeling battle weary from trying to fight the world with all the wrong weapons.  


This verse from "On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand" met me in exactly the place I am... 

"When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay."

Today was a twinge lighter than the last eight or nine have been, and I am so very grateful for even the minor change. 

I had counseling today, and we talked through what I want in life... good question to ask a 23 year old, right?

I'm pretty clear on where my heart is now after a really freeing and powerful discussion. It's amazing the freedom and the strength for tomorrow I am feeling just by knowing and saying out loud what I really want.  Nothing has changed (and I doubt anything will in the near future), but I know what I want.  I have a clear goal, and I'm not lying to myself anymore and invalidating my desires.  I'm not thrilled that I'm not where I want to be in life right now, but at least I can admit that. I've been trying so hard to convince myself that everything is perfect because I'm an eternal optimist who smiles when she cries. But I'm seeing the health in just being me, being authentic to who I am in the moment.  Stumbling after Jesus but also being real in my struggle to trust and understand where He's leading me...