Today, while washing dishes, almost as quality thinking time as the shower, I was pondering why I have such a hard time blogging this semester. It's not a time issue, really. I make time for the things I want to do like reading the Hunger Games books twice in one month, painting my nails, Facebooking, etc. So that's not the problem...
It's not that I don't have things to write about. My life is super boring event wise, but the stuff in my head- totally entertaining. I would know.
Rather... here is the issue: writing things down sometimes makes them feel real. It's hard to ignore the truth when it is staring you in the face (I've also been avoiding journaling, just in case you were wondering).
The truth of my life at the moment is this... I don't really know who I am anymore, and I have no idea where I'm going with my life- at- all. Let me explain.
Since last February-ish, I've been walking (with Jesus) through the absolute hardest season of my life. No real reason why. Lots of little events, lots of thunderstorms in my heart, lots of messy relationships... This season is really shaping my personality. I'm becoming a girl who has like 2 friends, who might cry more often than she should, who would rather read 10 books in a weekend than go out. I have taken to avoiding BIG MAJOR life decisions because it's just to stressful to try and think about all the details. Totally not the college me, most definitely not the high school me. This conundrum has lead to the directionlessness (I know it's not a word, just go with it) in my life. I need to make these decisions within the next 2 to 3 months- some sooner, some later, but generally...1. Where would I like to do my counseling practicum? Orlando? Georgia? Some other random city?
2. Once I settle on a geographic locale, which counseling center has openings for practicum students and wants to take me on?
3. Where do I want to work while doing my practicum? Serious job like people with college degrees should have or fun jobs that are useful for ignoring the real world?
4. Where do I want to live after graduation? Florida or anywhere else in the world? If it's Florida, I need more practicum hours and classes. If it's anywhere else in the continental United States, I can most likely graduate in December (of 2012). Yes...
5. Do I want to pursue licensure immediately or pursue more ministry related things?
Just a little sampling of the questions rolling around in my head... These don't even begin to touch the "Why Gods?" or the "How is that going to work out?" or the "When is my turn?" kind of questions. These are not leaving a lot of space for poetic words or creative thoughts. Starting next week, I will begin to deal with these (I promise!)- just as soon as I get back from my 3 days at Disney :)
All I can say is, Jesus take the wheel ;) But don't listen to that song... Listen to this one All Your Life
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