As I drove home tonight my heart was so uneasy- feelings of insecurity and loneliness and unworthiness and fear... And of course it took me until 11pm to really seek the Lord about it. Fighting it all day in my mind was totally not working, but I always give that option a good run for its money. I got home. Fought with myself for about 10 minutes about whether to turn on a movie or read a book and just try and forget things or to force myself to spend some time with the Lord. Jesus won this time (I'm not sure why I don't let him win every time, but alas). After spending a moment, recognizing and agreeing with the Lord that He is good; He is trustworthy; He is sovereign; He is always in control; He is never surprised, etc. I opened my little devotional and in sentence 1 was tearing up... EXACTLY the words my heart needed to hear. Like a traveler lost in a desert, my heart was instantly refreshed and quickly broken. Broken because- bottom line- I just suck at seeking first God's kingdom. He knows precisely what I need, and I am so hesitant (especially in this season) to seek His heart for me. Just like a lost wanderer, I am
"Your needs and My riches are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but also for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness, to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power.
Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me." Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
1 comments:
"Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me."
...love you.
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