Had another couple wonderful Disney days yesterday and today... What a nice break from reality. 

I seriously am not sure, I'll ever be happier than watching Wishes with good friends.  That may just be as good as it gets.  

In my finals week at Asbury so currently just procrastinating finishing while I upload completely pointless videos to Facebook from the past two days.  I might have lost all productive energy to finish these things, which is just not good.  I've discovered the problem with doing well in your classes all semester is there is little motivation to put forth effort in the finals... Maybe next semester, I'll try failing a class or two with finals being my only hope... bad idea? Okay, maybe not.  

Highlights to come from the Christmas Break 2011:

1. Finish finals (tomorrow, hopefully)!!

2. Pack, pack, pack

3. Finish Christmas shopping

4. Nutcracker Ballet :) I love holidays and fancy things like ballet.

5. Labelle with Brittany for FOUR DAYS... it's a long time- her family is probably going to be kicking my out on day 2.

6. Home- Lula

7. Charlotte for Christmas with my mama's side of the family

8. Jacksonville to visit my long lost pseudo Irish friend Kyle for a few days

9. New Year's something with someone

10. A break from classes in January (Hallelujah!!)

Had quite possibly the most unproductive Saturday to ever exist, but I had the pleasure of ending the day with a UCF basketball game that ended in surprising excitement, a lovely trip to Four Rivers BBQ and now settled in at home watching The Holiday and doing "schoolwork." If you count 3 pages in a day as progress, I've made progress.  

I'm really thankful for today.  

For a day off with no real pressure to accomplish or do.  

For friends who take me as I am- lazy day and all.  

For sappy Christmas movies.  

For new friends becoming great ones. 

For best friends knowing my heart.  

For American sports. 

And most importantly, for Four Rivers ;)

Ever have one of those days where the very issue you feel like you've gotten nailed down decides to prove it's not dead yet... That was my day.  Always fun.

As I drove home tonight my heart was so uneasy- feelings of insecurity and loneliness and unworthiness and fear... And of course it took me until 11pm to really seek the Lord about it.  Fighting it all day in my mind was totally not working, but I always give that option a good run for its money.  I got home.  Fought with myself for about 10 minutes about whether to turn on a movie or read a book and just try and forget things or to force myself to spend some time with the Lord.  Jesus won this time (I'm not sure why I don't let him win every time, but alas).  After spending a moment, recognizing and agreeing with the Lord that He is good; He is trustworthy; He is sovereign; He is always in control; He is never surprised, etc.  I opened my little devotional and in sentence 1 was tearing up... EXACTLY the words my heart needed to hear.  Like a traveler lost in a desert, my heart was instantly refreshed and quickly broken.  Broken because- bottom line- I just suck at seeking first God's kingdom.  He knows precisely what I need, and I am so hesitant (especially in this season) to seek His heart for me.  Just like a lost wanderer, I am often daily in need of rescue.  I so foolishly resist time and time again.

"Your needs and My riches are a perfect fit.  I never meant for you to be self-sufficient.  Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but also for fulfillment of deep yearnings.  I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness, to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings.  Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power.
Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed.  As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled.  Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me."  Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

well... hello long neglected blog


Today, while washing dishes, almost as quality thinking time as the shower, I was pondering why I have such a hard time blogging this semester.  It's not a time issue, really.  I make time for the things I want to do like reading the Hunger Games books twice in one month, painting my nails, Facebooking, etc.   So that's not the problem... 
It's not that I don't have things to write about.  My life is super boring event wise, but the stuff in my head- totally entertaining.  I would know. 
Rather... here is the issue: writing things down sometimes makes them feel real.  It's hard to ignore the truth when it is staring you in the face (I've also been avoiding journaling, just in case you were wondering).  

The truth of my life at the moment is this... I don't really know who I am anymore, and I have no idea where I'm going with my life- at- all.  Let me explain.

Since last February-ish, I've been walking (with Jesus) through the absolute hardest season of my life.  No real reason why.  Lots of little events, lots of thunderstorms in my heart, lots of messy relationships... This season is really shaping my personality.  I'm becoming a girl who has like 2 friends, who might cry more often than she should, who would rather read 10 books in a weekend than go out.  I have taken to avoiding BIG MAJOR life decisions because it's just to stressful to try and think about all the details.  Totally not the college me, most definitely not the high school me.  This conundrum has lead to the directionlessness (I know it's not a word, just go with it) in my life.  I need to make these decisions within the next 2 to 3 months- some sooner, some later, but generally...
1. Where would I like to do my counseling practicum? Orlando? Georgia? Some other random city? 
2. Once I settle on a geographic locale, which counseling center has openings for practicum students and wants to take me on?
3. Where do I want to work while doing my practicum? Serious job like people with college degrees should have or fun jobs that are useful for ignoring the real world?
4. Where do I want to live after graduation? Florida or anywhere else in the world? If it's Florida, I need more practicum hours and classes.  If it's anywhere else in the continental United States, I can most likely graduate in December (of 2012).  Yes... 
5. Do I want to pursue licensure immediately or pursue more ministry related things?


Just a little sampling of the questions rolling around in my head... These don't even begin to touch the "Why Gods?" or the "How is that going to work out?" or the "When is my turn?" kind of questions. These are not leaving a lot of space for poetic words or creative thoughts.  Starting next week, I will begin to deal with these (I promise!)- just as soon as I get back from my 3 days at Disney :)


All I can say is, Jesus take the wheel ;) But don't listen to that song... Listen to this one All Your Life